You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
