i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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