I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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