It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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