youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
