Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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