i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
