i just google imaged poop.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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