You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he shaved USA in his pubs
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
