I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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