I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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