I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
