Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
