i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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