I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
