dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
