my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
