we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I've blown a few things in my day
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Im part way to drunk.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
