chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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