I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
