mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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