The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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