I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
