once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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