Can i not drive my cunt home
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
