Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
