Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
