Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
if only i could text you this smell
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
