can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
