The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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