I got chris browned last night
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
