My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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