btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
