Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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