I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
