Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
