I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
