At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
