dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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