if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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