Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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