The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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