i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
