Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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