I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
