period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
