I just saw a hot homeless man
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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