I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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