Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
