you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The air was thick with penises
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
