I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
