look no pants
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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