Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
